God’s will! The Lands Of Disney lie abandoned and undefended!
Hark! Mickey Mouse has fled his kingdom with all his attendants! The Lands Of Disney, the very Kingdom Of Magic, now lay undefended! The time has lastly come for the individuals of this nation to reclaim their rightful bounty of watery fountain drinks, branded merchandise, and mascot costumes. The dread king Mouse could by no means be so weakened once more in our lifetime. We strike now!
Fast, shut the tavern door and make room. The scouts from, ahem, TheDailyWoo have simply returned with a report of what they’ve seen from inside the Kingdom’s gates.
The partitions go unmanned! The citadel grounds of Walt Disney World are cleared of soldiery and peasantry alike. Yea, even the Starbucks and Planet Hollywood, the Shrines to Coca-Cola and Man De Rooster have been deserted by each clergy and worshiper. The encompassing roads have been emptied of carriages and the galleons have fled the lagoon, leaving the citadel undefended from floor and water! Lords and women don’t recline within the resort lobbies. They’ve decamped for different lands, leaving their riches behind for anybody with will sufficient to take them.
Don’t use this second to proceed your devotionals to our straw lord as others have carried out. Now, because the Nice Plague shadows the Rodent’s dominion, we should flip distress into alternative. Does the Bible not say that “poor is he who works with a negligent hand, however the hand of the diligent makes wealthy?” That is the time for diligence, pals! That is the time when braveness could remake the world!
Battle bravely, brothers and sisters, and our rewards will likely be numerous! Beneath the throne room, it’s rumored that the Mouse retains outdated Simpsons episodes locked away inside its huge vaults of treasure. Within the dungeons lie shuttered movie studios, wailing alongside the stressed shades of these the Kingdom has claimed over the centuries. All of this we will free—all of this we will make proper!—if solely we’ve got energy sufficient to behave now!
COPYRIGHT_BP: Published on https://bingepost.com/gods-will-the-lands-of-disney-lie-abandoned-and-undefended/68230/ by - on 2020-03-20T15:46:40.000Z
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